THE DAY MY LIFE CHANGED FOREVER
Written at 10:36 a.m. on 2004-08-13
THE MEANING OF LOVE WAS SHOWN TO ME BY THE GREATEST WOMEN I WILL EVER KNOW. SHE TAUGHT ME TO SHOW UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO ALL,AND TO TREAT PEOPLE NO MATTER HOW DIFFRENT ALL THE SAME. I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER FOR THAT. ON A BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY MORNING IN OCTOBER MY WORST NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE. I HAD RECIVED THE SAME PHONE CALL THAT I HAD RECIVED 4 YEARS EARLIER. THE PHONE CALL WAS FROM MY MOTHERS BOYFRIEND OF 3 YEARS. THE CALL WAS ABOUT MY MOM. (I WAS NOT THE ONE WHO ANWSERD THE PHONE) MY EX-BOYFRIENDS MOTHER CAME DOWN STAIRS TO MY ROOM AND TOLD ME "MY MOTHER MAY BE DEAD. NEEDLESS TO SAY THE WORD "MAY" GAVE ME HOPE. WHEN I GOT IN THE CAR I CALLED 911 AND ASKED THEM IF THERE WAS AMBULANCE AT 8 BELL ST? HE TOLD ME TO HOLD ON,HE CAME BACK ON THE LINE AND SAID YES. THE NEXT QUESTION WAS SHOULD I GO TO THE HOSPITAL OR TO HER HOUSE HE ASKED ME HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE ME TO GET THERE,I TOLD HIM ABOUT 20 MIN,HE PUT ME ON HOLD AGAIN WHEN HE CAME BACK ON THE LINE HE TOLD ME TO GO TO HER HOUSE. I THOUGHT THAT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD,SO I TOLD HIM WHO I WAS. I WANTED TO KNOW IF MY MOTHER WAS DEAD SO I ASKED, HE PUT ME ON HOLD AGAIN BUT THIS TIME WHEN HE CAME ON THE LINE HIS VOICE WAS DIFFRENT AND HE SAID MAM, I KNEW THEN IT WAS NOT GOOD,BUT I LET HIM FINISH. THE WORD THAT CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH WILL HAUNT ME FOR A LONG TIME"YES SHE HAS PASSED AWAY". ALL I COULD THINK WAS IT WAS NOT TRUE, I NEED MY MOM. SHE WAS GONE I HAD LOST MY BEST FRIEND,MY HEART. WHEN I GOT TO THE HOUSE THERE WERE COPS AND PARAMEDICS INSIDE AND OUT ,SOME PEOPLE I DID NOT KNOW AND SOME I DID. I WAS CRYING OUT LOUD BEFORE I GOT THERE,BUT ALL THAT CHANGED. I SAW MY MOTHERS BOYFRIEND IN THE YARD CRYING I WALKED OVER TO HIM AND PUT MY HANDS ON THE SIDES OF HIS FACE AND TOLD HIM TO "STOP CRYING AND STOP CRYING RIGHT NOW" OUR TEARS ARE NOT GOING TO BRING HER BACK. IT SOUNDED SO INSENSITIVE BUT I NEED HELP,THINGS HAD TO BE DONE AND I NEEDED ALL THE HELP I COULD GET. MY MOTHER WAS STILL IN THE HOUSE WHEN I GOT THERE. PEOPLE TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD GO IN THE HOUSE AND SEE HER, I SAID "NO" I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT,IF I DID NOT SEE HER THEN SHE REALLY WAS NOT GONE(well that is what i kept telling my self.)WHEN THEY BROUGHT HER OUT OF THE HOUSE I WALKED AROUND THE CORNER(remember if i don't see her she not really dead.) THE HARD PART CAME WHEN I HAD TO TELL MY BROTHER AND MY DAD. MY PARENTS HAD BEEN DIVORCED FOR SOME TIME BUT MY FATHER STILL LOVED HER AND SHE STILL LOVED HIM. WHEN I CALLED MY BROTHER HOUSE IN CALIFORNIA I COULD HEAR HIS VOICE ON THE OTHER LINE AND THE TEARS JUST STARTED TO FALL DOWN MY FACE,I SAID"MOM IS DEAD" AND THEN I WENT BLANK,I CAN NOT TELL YOU WHAT ELSE WAS SAID. THE NEXT THING I HAD TO DO WAS TELL MY DAD, THAT WAS NOT GOING TO BE EASY, HE WAS ACTIVATED FOR THE WAR THE DAY BEFORE,SO I HAD NO WAY TO GET A HOLD OF HIM. I CALLED MY AUNT TO SEE IF SHE COULD GET ON TOUCH WITH HIM. SHE ASKED ME IF I NEEDED HER? THE WORDS BARELY CAME OUT"YES." NIGHT CAME AND I WAS WAITING FOR MY AUNT,MOMMOM AND MY FATHER TO SHOW UP. THEY ARRIVED AND WHEN I OPENED THE DOOR AND THERE STOOD MY HERO, HE STOOD SO BRAVE AN STRONG WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES. HE WAS TRYING TO BE STRONG FOR ME, BUT I KNEW HE WAS DYING INSIDE. THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE WAS GONE. THERE WAS A MESSAGE I HAD TO GIVE HIM FROM MY MOM, SHE WANTED MY DAD TO KNOW HE WAS ALWAYS HER FAVORITE. MY DAD LOOKED AT ME,AND I KNEW AT THAT MOMENT HIS HEART HAD SHATTERED INTO A THOUSAND PIECES,THEN CAME THE WORDS THAT I WILL CARRY WITH ME FOR YEARS TO COME" I HAVE NEVER HAD TO LOSE SOMEONE TWICE AND THE SECOND TIME HURTS ALOT WORSE" HE GRABED ME AND HELD ME TIGHT AS WE CRYED. THAT NIGHT WATCHING MY DAD AND LISTENING TO THE THING HE HAD SAID,I KNEW I HAD SEEN WHAT TRUE LOVE REALLY WAS. MY BROTHER HIS WIFE AND THERE TWO KIDS FLEW IN ABOUT THREE DAYS LATER. I KNEW HE WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE STRONG FOR ME, BUT INSIDE WAS A DIFFRENT STORY. WE PLANNED A FAMILY VIEWING WE WANTED TO KEEP IT SIMPLE, SHE ALWAYS SAID SHE DID NOT WANT A LOT OF PEOPLE STANDING OVER HER CRYING,AND I KNEW THIS BECAUSE WE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT WHAT SHE WANTED AFTER SHE HAD LOST HER SECOND HUSBAND IN A CAR ACCIDENT FOUR YEARS EARLIER. I FOUND MY SELF STANDING IN THE SAME ROOM THAT I HAD STOOD IN JUST FOUR YEARS EARLIER WHEN MY STEPDAD DIED. THIS WAS GOING TO BE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEEN HER SINCE SHE DIED AND THE LAST TIME I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO TOUCH HER. I STOOD IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM AND WAITED FOR EVERYONE ELSE TO GO AND SAY THERE GOODBYES. MY MOMS SISTER WAS STANDING OVER HER CRYING AND KEPT SAYING I'AM SORRY OVER AND OVER AGAIN,THEY HAD NOT TALKED IN SIX YEARS(SHE PASSED AWAY TWO WEEK LATER) IT WAS MY TURN NOW, I STOOD IN THE DOOR WAY,AND ACROSSED THE ROOM THERE LAYED MY BESTFRIEND,COUNSELOR,DANCE PARTNER AND THE WOMEN WHO HEALED ALL MY BROKEN HEARTS WITH HER SOFT WORDS AND GENTEL TOUCH. I WALKED OVER TO HER AND CRYED LIKE A BABY, I GENTLY HELD HER HAND AND LAYED MY HEAD NEXT TO HERS AND WITH MY OTHER HAND I RAN MY FINGERS THROUGH HER HAIR.TRYING SO HARD I WANTED TO LET GO,BUT I NEEDED HER, SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. MY DAD SENT MY BROTHER OVER THERE TO ME,HE KNEW IT WAS TIME TO GO AND THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP, HE STOOD NEXT TO ME,AND HE WAS TRYING TO BE STRONG.WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER,AND I SAID "I LOVE HER I CANT LET HER GO" HE HELD ME AND AND WE CRYED. WE BOTH LOOKED AT HER AND WITH OUT SAYING A WORD WE KNEW IT WAS GOODBYE. THE NEXT DAY WAS THE FUNERAL. THERE WERE PEOPLE FROM ALL DIFFRENT WALKS OF LIFE THAT CAME TO SHARE THE WONDERFUL MEMORYS SHE HAD LEFT BEHIND. THERE WERE PICTURES ALL OVER THE CHURCH OF MY MOM AND AND HER WONDERFUL 44 YEARS OF LIFE. YOU COULD HERE LAUGHTER AND CRYING THROUGHT OUT THE CHURCH. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY,THE PASTOR MAINLY TALKED ABOUT MY MOTHERS FOOD (SHE WAS ITALIAN). MY DAD GAVE A BEAUTIFUL SPEACH. THERE WERE TWO AFTER PARTYS FOR HER AND THEY WERE BOTH A SUCCESS. TODAY I GO THROUGH EACH DAY WITH HER ON MY MIND AND THINK OF THE THING SHE LEFT BEHIND.AS FOR MY DAD HE STILL LOVES HER, AND MY BROTHER STILL MISSES HER.WE ARE STILL A FAMILY BECAUSE MY MOM LEFT PIECES OF HER HEART WITH US THE DAY IT STOPPED ON THAT SUNNY MORNING OCTOBER 20,2001 I LOVE YOU MOM LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER SHANNON
